July 31, 2009

The Fenris Wolf Shall Devour

Justin Marik is my (Latin/Czech) name given at birth, meaning "Justice within the Warlike"; my (Swedish) middle name as reincarnation of my grandfather is Carl, meaning "Freeman"! Ironically, considering I'm a heathen, it was Saint Justin who declared the gods were Devilish illusions.

I am (known by the Norse mononym) Tyrvald, "powerful by Tyr", for chained up within my mind is a beast like (the wolf destined to kill Odin) Fenrisúlfur, my alter ego, a chaotic traumatized inner-child buried undead within my subconscious. Unlike Tyr, Sky God of justice and war, my sacrifice to bind the wolf within has been my sanity! I have yet to lose an arm protecting my tribe as he did binding Fenrir, but I bear psychic wounds and physical scars from wrestling to maintain my lucidity.

Everyone has demons but these are neither supernatural nor do they possess us. Within our brains lie haunting memories which can flashback like nightmares! Are we not at our own mercy if we choose to destroy ourselves? I've been trying to find peace while myself tries to kill us both. I live life feeling that Justin died long ago, that he is little more than a ghost lost in the past... raging to manifest in the future!

My cruel alcoholic (now dry-drunk) father murdered me over a decade ago, yet I live to speak of it. I am today a young priest of Gullveig, who was thrice burnt (by the Aesir) in the first war, yet she lives transformed into Heidh: the witch goddess! Vanadís (this protective spirit of the Vanir) is the Lady, Freyja of the Brísingamen.


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